SOMEDAY YOU'LL FIND SOMEONE

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 11:22:03 GMT

fuck.

Wed, 28 Mar 2007 00:16:16 GMT

i forgot to add in, bright eyes in ATL, day of prom.
aka cry.

CLIP CLIP SNIP SNIP

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 00:35:54 GMT

I feel like maybe you're a complete fucking cunt or maybe you're just trying to fool yourself and it's in no attempt to hurt me, you're just trying to lessen your own pain. Either way, shut your fucking mouth.

SO I GOTTA HOLLER

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 01:39:53 GMT

I just went through pictures and I'm super angry!

I use to look like that!, && now I'm freakin' pale and fat. Rawr I'm angry && about to get skin cancer from hitting up the tanning bed nonstop.

HOLD HOLD HOLD ON

Sat, 13 Jan 2007 04:57:37 GMT

I dig going to basketball games for hours on end just to see Tyaface dance for like 5 minutes, and then going out to eat which took a lot of time too. But what I dig even more, is sleeping on my couch with my kitten && my perfect boyfriend. We have a little family going for us now, ha. I'm reading this Palahniuk book called Haunted, and it makes me want to puke like every other page, but I'm determined to keep reading. Then I'll tackle Fight Club && Choke. I had so much fun today, I'm in love with how amazing things can be just because you have that one person by your side. I really want The Submarines cd, so then I can stop going to the website to play it for hours on end. I think I'll go lay down and read, wait for my phone call.

REWIND && BREATHE

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 23:51:45 GMT

I woke up to a phone call from Cody, which was just to tell me he wasn't going today, but made me happier. School blew, like horribly. I fell asleep in all my classes, except yearbook, which is completely ridiculous because that's the only class it's okay to sleep in! I had the worst headache in Chem, I wanted to cry because it hurt so bad. It happened yesterday too, ughh it needs to stop. Jamie texted me to tell me he swore he saw a girl who looked just like me in the parking lot, ha I love Jamie, because he makes me go over with nonsense like that. Afterschool I hung out with Kristina && Jon, we watched while she took my pictures for Drill Team. Then Kris && I went to Panera in hopes of getting free food, waited for like half an hour, and Jon finally shows up, but we get no free food like we were promised. Haa we looked like hobos and didn't even want to walk out the front door because everyone eating had just been sitting and staring at us the entire time. I just dropped an entire loaf of frozen garlic bread on the carpet and didn't know what to do, because it's not like you can rinse that shit off. Hmph I want to talk, really bad. Es no bueno.

TRYING TO GET ME KILLED

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 05:58:17 GMT

Today I felt better. Went to Cody's and hung around for awhile, fun stuff. I like knowing doing nothing doesn't bother him and I won't hear complaints when I want something. We can just lay there making faces back && forth, and be completely content. I have this weird feeling in my legs and I keep thinking I'm typing too loud. Tomorrow the kittens leave, sadfacee. I want my Yorkshire.

WRONG SIDE OF LAW

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 04:47:22 GMT

I don't think I've heard as many hurtful things as I did today in a long ass time. I've thrown up twice and washed my face thoroughly 4 times in the past half hour. I just feel disgusting, like I can't look at myself anymore and see anything I even remotely like. I talked to dad though and soon it's back to Barnabas and medication, because he promised we can manage. Cody & I, I don't know what to say. He hurt me so much today and I don't even know how it came to this. Everything was perfect and then it went to shit and then that shit got shittier and shittier until he just gave up. I wanted to cry all night, I couldn't even eat dinner in front of him because I felt so awful. I just feel so disgusting and unsatisfying. I feel like I make no one happy and that I just get hurt talking to other people. I just want to be happy and I don't remember it ever being this hard. I just want to stop hurting and feeling uncomfortable being me. It isn't his fault, he does nothing wrong. I'm just incapable of making anyone happy.

TWO IS PERFECT

Fri, 05 Jan 2007 00:59:41 GMT

I'm frustrated. I'm very happy, but I'm frustrated. Escuela was gay as shit, my schedule is ruined and I'm taking a class to learn how to make menus, that's all I have to say. Cody & I got back together after like a couple of hours, the whole thing was so stupid, I just felt like I couldn't think things through. We worked it out though and I just realized I have nothing to gain from not being with him, but I have a lot to lose. These past two months have been great and he wants me with him, I don't have to force him or pretend. No more pretending and no more faking it.

SOMETHING TO OPEN MY EYES

Wed, 03 Jan 2007 20:41:43 GMT

i dont know what to do and i cant stop feeling so hurt.

iPODPEQUENO

Wed, 03 Jan 2007 04:53:08 GMT

So the second I got in the shower yesterday I realized I was suppose to be going over to Heather's with everybody else in like less than an hourr, ha. We atee pizza, watched Step Up, took pictures, learned about make up [haa], watched GAS for like hours [fuckin' PJ OWENS && JESSE CAMP], ateee like mad, watched Degrassi && SNL, went to sleep @ 5, got up super early, atee like mad again, got straight hair like whoaa, then got stuck behind every grandpa on the way home. I like it over there, it's so comfy and I love my friends to death. Oh yeah there was a point during all that stuff where I thought Cody was dead and was calling his cell every minute for like an hour. But he def. was not, actually he is going to be Ember, Sam, && my date for prom. It's going to be hott. Anywhoo I was home for a whopping ten minutes before Cody came && got me. We watched Jackass dos and then just slept the rest of the day. I'm oober happy now. These past few days have like flown by and they've been soo good. When I got home I ate an entire pizza just so Bubba couldn't have it. =]]

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 17:41:33 GMT

What blows is that I can be perfectly content, hell even more than content, and then it all just goes away and I'm ready to cry. It all just went away. I came home this morning and thought the house had been broken into, but no it was just what happened last night when I was away. I'm very much sick of this house and of this family, where I get screamed at for not bringing change home but my brother the fucking piece of shit who is ripping my family apart sleeps peacefully and gets no scolding, not even a fucking ounce of trouble. I'm ready to get out of here. Last night we rented another hotel, got a gallon of daiquiris, watched the ball drop, starved, froze, and watched like two hours of Ace of Cakes. I just stuffed my face so horribly, but whatev because last night I looked hott as all get out. Forrealz. Ickk we did however see my ex and he looked terrible, like seriously I don't even know how I ever dated him, and Cody just giggled. The best part is, he walked right by me and said "Where's Dominique?".

HOORAY

Wed, 27 Dec 2006 23:27:05 GMT

I GOT A CHARGER THAT WORKS!
haa I'm super happy soo if you call I'll actually pick up. =]]

ES NO BUENO

Wed, 27 Dec 2006 22:15:10 GMT

Last night was awful, really awful. My family is awful and I was up until 4 this morning because I was too scared to go to sleep. But on the good side I steam cleaned my carpet all by myself yesterday, of course when I woke up the demons had thrown up on it and thrown cat food all over the place but it was clean for a little bit. The cats have taken over the couch and are just crying and fighting all over the place. My mouth hurts and my stomach is being all rawr. I wanna do something tomorrow or see Cody but I know I can't which blows. It's laundry day and I've been wearing my bathing suit and my holey jeans which aren't even jeans anymore all day, =]]. My cellphone has gone to shit forreal this time and I can't even turn it on anymore. I realized today how many girls my age are pregnant right now and are keeping their babies and how cutely proud they are of the entire thing. I'm happy that it isn't as taboo anymore. I talked to asian David today and it made me want to cry because all I want to do is hug him and promise he'll be a good daddy but I can't. I'm super lost right now.

YOU'RE A CREEP

Tue, 26 Dec 2006 02:46:52 GMT

Cody woke me up at 8 this morning upset about my LJ and I felt so bad because he took stuff I had written the wrong way. Miscommunication is our problem, it's the only reason we ever fight. I couldn't go back to sleep after that and just took a shower && all that jive. We opened presents and I finally got a new cd player so I can fast foward again! We went && saw Black Christmas but soo many people were missing it made me sad. That movie mad me giggle and it was gross. Sam kept making me jump though. After the movies we went over to her place and ate dinner && played SceneIt because we're freshh. Came home and was very happy. But got into it again with Cody. I hate fighting with him but it happens all the time and it's always my fault. I've got a tummy ache. Christmas wasn't so great.

THIS MOMENT COULD BLOW US A PART

Mon, 25 Dec 2006 05:45:53 GMT

"Could somebody show me the kind of affection
That you only see in the movies, you know what I mean"
Forreal. I can't sleep and there's nothing to do. I just read this short story called Guts and I'm almost tempted to type the entire thing onto here because it was disgusting and horrid but I loved it. I also love Aqualung. I hate feeling like there's so much I wish I could find in another person and knowing it isn't there in anybody. Or atleast that's how I'm feeling. My mind is just jumping from one thing to another and it stinks because the last thing I feel like doing is thinking. I've put on so much weight and it makes me wonder who I'm doing this for, it's not like anybody is going to like me once I'm fat again. I'm burning the saddest cd ever and then I'm going to go read Haunted until I fall asleep.

UNKNOWINGLY

Mon, 25 Dec 2006 03:28:40 GMT

"I'm afraid he'll say the right thing and you'll leave me."
That's what he told me today, I felt so awful because I couldn't say anything back but I was sorry. He feels terrible for me not talking to Scott, it's not what he wants. We talked for awhile and now things are suppose to be okay, but they feel awkward. We slept most of the day and the other half we just kind of sat around not talking. I have the worst stomach ache, probably from eating oreos and peanut butter but whatev. I love fighting with Mattypoodle about De Niro and Pesci, because that's what we do on Christmas Eve. Maxine couldn't come home today and mom is really upset about it. Tomorrow it's horror movies and supposedly happiness, but something tells me it's going to blow. I'm trying to move 5000 songs from one account to another and it's beyond horrible. I want to talk but I don't know who to call.

MISS CALIFORNIA EATS ICE CREAM

Sun, 24 Dec 2006 05:25:43 GMT

Yesterday we watched Extreme Days and fought over text message and phone calls. This morning I woke up to a very pissed off Cody and then he calmed down && told me he wasn't going to be mad at me but he didn't want to hear another word about it. Jamie && I are talking now, I miss him muchly. We use to talk every night during summer about everything and anything, && then poof no Jamie. Today was horrible, like seriously horrible. Maxine is sick or something and had to go to the ER, she has to stay over night and I'm really worried. But tomorrow is Christmas Eve and hopefully everything will be better.

IT'S HARD TO RELATE

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 22:12:15 GMT

So! Christmas dinner was ickk, and Coke ham tastes just like regular ham. I got my Cut+Paste purse though and it's uhmazing. But there was a bunch of family drama and for once it wasn't centered around my dad. Today has been good. Emberface && I went out to Applebees for lunch and then to the mall for a little bit. I love Ember muchly as well as chicken fingers ha. I love how we decide to stop texting eachother and Cody instead sends me Picturemail, it's cute though so whatev. I think I'm gonna go visit him tomorrow, maybe. I was suppose to get my belly button peirced tomorrow but I don't feel like reminding mom and her getting angryface with me, so I figure I'll wait. Later I get to go finish buying stuff for Chistmas and then I'll get to wrap it and be happy. =]]

YOU BLEW IT

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 05:04:19 GMT

Screw double lives.

WHEN I WAKE UP

Wed, 20 Dec 2006 22:52:25 GMT

Yesterday was rough. Cody && I got into it bad, we almost broke up again, which makes it like what 5 times now? We went Christmas shopping and it was funky. I was fighting with him through texts when Big Chris calls and we run into the lady who use to live next door, funny how things work. I came home and we just pretended like the whole break up conversation hadn't happened. I cried so hard this morning it was ridiculous, and I just kept rereading it until I had to leave. I got a 95 on Smith's exam, shit yeah. We hung out the rest of the day and fought a lot more. It's like we're perfectly happy and then one thing gets said and we're not talking. We have to eat Christmas dinner tonight since Lulu is taking them to New York. I love her and her crazy ideas. Thank God I have nothing to do for the next couple of days, that makes me so happy.

DON'T MOVE

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 23:11:16 GMT

Exams were terrible but I don't really care, I tried. Analysis was a joke, I swear there was shit on there I had never even heard of. We went to McDonalds afterwards with everyone and almost got hit by a bunch of cars. They had run out of ketchup packets and gave me a box of ketchup instead, it made me giggle. Cody and I got into it the second I got home and now he's ignoring my phone calls which he's going to regret when he decides he can't not talk to me, which would actually be right now as I'm typing this. I'm so happy tomorrow is my last day of Exams and all I have to worry about is Smith, and she's a moron so I should be good. I'm excited for Christmas and not even for presents, since my parents aren't giving us any, but for Black Christmas, because no one takes me to scary ickky movies anymore. Sadfacee.

GIVING UP ON LIFE

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 04:17:46 GMT

I failed Chemistry, and wow did I cry, we got home and I balled on the phone and then sat on the couch with Cody and cried even more. It makes me so mad because the entire reason my grades went to shit was because those fucking 3 days I was in the hospital, if that had never happened I wouldn't be stuck in the fucking rut. I'm going to fail Analysis tomorrow, there's no hope there. I tried to study after I finished all my journals for Monty, but my hands are too shaky to write anything down and everything is just so shot. I love how the Psych exam took up two scantrons, ridiculous. Something else that is ridiculous, I have been sitting here listening to music that isn't really music, but really just Oberst making funky ass noises into a mic for the past twenty minutes and it's just now hitting me. We didn't do anything really after exams, Cody came over and we took the longest nap. You know that makes me happy, knowing that Cody won't complain if I don't want to go out or go do something. He's fine sleeping on my couch with me all day. I use to feel like there wasn't space for me in somebody else's life, like they were all going so fast and I was just there in the midst of everyone who had some place to be, but now I feel like, maybe I do have a place and I'm not just taking up space. I just rhymed, ridiculous. But seriously, Cody makes time for me and considers my feelings, not just his and he tries, he tries so hard. I never realized what a difference just knowing someone was trying would make. My throart hurts so bad from getting sick and my stomach is just in knots. I'm running on 3 cans of Mountain Dew and half a bagel from this morning. The bagel reminded me of that one I had in Bama that made me sick to my stomach during the summer, it was such a bad memory I couldn't finish it && now I'm writing about it in my LJ geezus it's time for bed. This turned out a lot longer than I had planned.

MORE THAN ANYBODY ON EARTH

Sun, 17 Dec 2006 19:39:29 GMT

Max died yesterday, it was so freakin' sad. I was just sitting at Cody's and Crystal called and I must have cried for an hour straight while Cody ran back and forth getting me tissue. I hid in my room while they buried him. I feel guilty for the things I've done and the things I've said in the past couple of days and I'm very much done with all that shit. Cody is amazing, end of story. I've never had somebody treat me as good as he does and I know he wouldn't hurt me like all the other guys before him, and he wants to try so hard to make this work. I should try too and I've been so unfair to him. I'm getting redone Friday, which makes me all happy. Psych exam tomorrow, grr.

YOU KNOW, YOU CAN STAY

Sat, 16 Dec 2006 00:50:30 GMT

I got that feeling yesterday, the one where you see someone or are close to them and just feel like "I'm home". But, Cody and I had a rough night yesterday, we almost broke up again. I feel like such a terrible girlfriend all the time, I'm so horrible to him and I just can't help it. I say things or do things and just realize hours later how fucking mean it was. He promised everything was okay so I'll believe him. I took the Chem exam today and hopefully I passed, but who knows. We hung out afterschool, but really it was more like we slept on the couch for hours and made squishy face back and forth. I don't feel so good tonight, but tomorrow I'll go X-Mas shopping and go visit the creep ha. Oh yeah I decided I'm getting my belly button redone this month, happyfacee. I miss it as well as other things. I think I'm going to eat ice cream, watch movies, and study my little butt off tonight.