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[01 Nov 2007|07:21am] |
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fuck.
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[27 Mar 2007|08:16pm] |
i forgot to add in, bright eyes in ATL, day of prom.
aka cry.
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| CLIP CLIP SNIP SNIP |
[27 Feb 2007|07:31pm] |
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I feel like maybe you're a complete fucking cunt or maybe you're just trying to fool yourself and it's in no attempt to hurt me, you're just trying to lessen your own pain. Either way, shut your fucking mouth.
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| SO I GOTTA HOLLER |
[25 Jan 2007|08:38pm] |
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OH, GODDAMNIT |
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I just went through pictures and I'm super angry!
I use to look like that!, && now I'm freakin' pale and fat. Rawr I'm angry && about to get skin cancer from hitting up the tanning bed nonstop.
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| HOLD HOLD HOLD ON |
[12 Jan 2007|11:50pm] |
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I dig going to basketball games for hours on end just to see Tyaface dance for like 5 minutes, and then going out to eat which took a lot of time too. But what I dig even more, is sleeping on my couch with my kitten && my perfect boyfriend. We have a little family going for us now, ha. I'm reading this Palahniuk book called Haunted, and it makes me want to puke like every other page, but I'm determined to keep reading. Then I'll tackle Fight Club && Choke. I had so much fun today, I'm in love with how amazing things can be just because you have that one person by your side. I really want The Submarines cd, so then I can stop going to the website to play it for hours on end. I think I'll go lay down and read, wait for my phone call.
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| REWIND && BREATHE |
[10 Jan 2007|06:33pm] |
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AGAINST ALL ODDS |
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I woke up to a phone call from Cody, which was just to tell me he wasn't going today, but made me happier. School blew, like horribly. I fell asleep in all my classes, except yearbook, which is completely ridiculous because that's the only class it's okay to sleep in! I had the worst headache in Chem, I wanted to cry because it hurt so bad. It happened yesterday too, ughh it needs to stop. Jamie texted me to tell me he swore he saw a girl who looked just like me in the parking lot, ha I love Jamie, because he makes me go over with nonsense like that. Afterschool I hung out with Kristina && Jon, we watched while she took my pictures for Drill Team. Then Kris && I went to Panera in hopes of getting free food, waited for like half an hour, and Jon finally shows up, but we get no free food like we were promised. Haa we looked like hobos and didn't even want to walk out the front door because everyone eating had just been sitting and staring at us the entire time. I just dropped an entire loaf of frozen garlic bread on the carpet and didn't know what to do, because it's not like you can rinse that shit off. Hmph I want to talk, really bad. Es no bueno.
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| TRYING TO GET ME KILLED |
[07 Jan 2007|12:47am] |
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Today I felt better. Went to Cody's and hung around for awhile, fun stuff. I like knowing doing nothing doesn't bother him and I won't hear complaints when I want something. We can just lay there making faces back && forth, and be completely content. I have this weird feeling in my legs and I keep thinking I'm typing too loud. Tomorrow the kittens leave, sadfacee. I want my Yorkshire.
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| WRONG SIDE OF LAW |
[05 Jan 2007|11:47pm] |
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I don't think I've heard as many hurtful things as I did today in a long ass time. I've thrown up twice and washed my face thoroughly 4 times in the past half hour. I just feel disgusting, like I can't look at myself anymore and see anything I even remotely like. I talked to dad though and soon it's back to Barnabas and medication, because he promised we can manage. Cody & I, I don't know what to say. He hurt me so much today and I don't even know how it came to this. Everything was perfect and then it went to shit and then that shit got shittier and shittier until he just gave up. I wanted to cry all night, I couldn't even eat dinner in front of him because I felt so awful. I just feel so disgusting and unsatisfying. I feel like I make no one happy and that I just get hurt talking to other people. I just want to be happy and I don't remember it ever being this hard. I just want to stop hurting and feeling uncomfortable being me. It isn't his fault, he does nothing wrong. I'm just incapable of making anyone happy.
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| TWO IS PERFECT |
[04 Jan 2007|08:59pm] |
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I'm frustrated. I'm very happy, but I'm frustrated. Escuela was gay as shit, my schedule is ruined and I'm taking a class to learn how to make menus, that's all I have to say. Cody & I got back together after like a couple of hours, the whole thing was so stupid, I just felt like I couldn't think things through. We worked it out though and I just realized I have nothing to gain from not being with him, but I have a lot to lose. These past two months have been great and he wants me with him, I don't have to force him or pretend. No more pretending and no more faking it.
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| iPODPEQUENO |
[03 Jan 2007|12:53am] |
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So the second I got in the shower yesterday I realized I was suppose to be going over to Heather's with everybody else in like less than an hourr, ha. We atee pizza, watched Step Up, took pictures, learned about make up [haa], watched GAS for like hours [fuckin' PJ OWENS && JESSE CAMP], ateee like mad, watched Degrassi && SNL, went to sleep @ 5, got up super early, atee like mad again, got straight hair like whoaa, then got stuck behind every grandpa on the way home. I like it over there, it's so comfy and I love my friends to death. Oh yeah there was a point during all that stuff where I thought Cody was dead and was calling his cell every minute for like an hour. But he def. was not, actually he is going to be Ember, Sam, && my date for prom. It's going to be hott. Anywhoo I was home for a whopping ten minutes before Cody came && got me. We watched Jackass dos and then just slept the rest of the day. I'm oober happy now. These past few days have like flown by and they've been soo good. When I got home I ate an entire pizza just so Bubba couldn't have it. =]]
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[01 Jan 2007|01:41pm] |
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What blows is that I can be perfectly content, hell even more than content, and then it all just goes away and I'm ready to cry. It all just went away. I came home this morning and thought the house had been broken into, but no it was just what happened last night when I was away. I'm very much sick of this house and of this family, where I get screamed at for not bringing change home but my brother the fucking piece of shit who is ripping my family apart sleeps peacefully and gets no scolding, not even a fucking ounce of trouble. I'm ready to get out of here. Last night we rented another hotel, got a gallon of daiquiris, watched the ball drop, starved, froze, and watched like two hours of Ace of Cakes. I just stuffed my face so horribly, but whatev because last night I looked hott as all get out. Forrealz. Ickk we did however see my ex and he looked terrible, like seriously I don't even know how I ever dated him, and Cody just giggled. The best part is, he walked right by me and said "Where's Dominique?".
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| HOORAY |
[27 Dec 2006|07:27pm] |
I GOT A CHARGER THAT WORKS!
haa I'm super happy soo if you call I'll actually pick up. =]]
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| ES NO BUENO |
[27 Dec 2006|06:15pm] |
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Last night was awful, really awful. My family is awful and I was up until 4 this morning because I was too scared to go to sleep. But on the good side I steam cleaned my carpet all by myself yesterday, of course when I woke up the demons had thrown up on it and thrown cat food all over the place but it was clean for a little bit. The cats have taken over the couch and are just crying and fighting all over the place. My mouth hurts and my stomach is being all rawr. I wanna do something tomorrow or see Cody but I know I can't which blows. It's laundry day and I've been wearing my bathing suit and my holey jeans which aren't even jeans anymore all day, =]]. My cellphone has gone to shit forreal this time and I can't even turn it on anymore. I realized today how many girls my age are pregnant right now and are keeping their babies and how cutely proud they are of the entire thing. I'm happy that it isn't as taboo anymore. I talked to asian David today and it made me want to cry because all I want to do is hug him and promise he'll be a good daddy but I can't. I'm super lost right now.
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| YOU'RE A CREEP |
[25 Dec 2006|10:46pm] |
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FUTURE FOE SCENARIOS |
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Cody woke me up at 8 this morning upset about my LJ and I felt so bad because he took stuff I had written the wrong way. Miscommunication is our problem, it's the only reason we ever fight. I couldn't go back to sleep after that and just took a shower && all that jive. We opened presents and I finally got a new cd player so I can fast foward again! We went && saw Black Christmas but soo many people were missing it made me sad. That movie mad me giggle and it was gross. Sam kept making me jump though. After the movies we went over to her place and ate dinner && played SceneIt because we're freshh. Came home and was very happy. But got into it again with Cody. I hate fighting with him but it happens all the time and it's always my fault. I've got a tummy ache. Christmas wasn't so great.
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| THIS MOMENT COULD BLOW US A PART |
[25 Dec 2006|01:45am] |
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JUST FOR A MOMENT |
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"Could somebody show me the kind of affection
That you only see in the movies, you know what I mean"
Forreal. I can't sleep and there's nothing to do. I just read this short story called Guts and I'm almost tempted to type the entire thing onto here because it was disgusting and horrid but I loved it. I also love Aqualung. I hate feeling like there's so much I wish I could find in another person and knowing it isn't there in anybody. Or atleast that's how I'm feeling. My mind is just jumping from one thing to another and it stinks because the last thing I feel like doing is thinking. I've put on so much weight and it makes me wonder who I'm doing this for, it's not like anybody is going to like me once I'm fat again. I'm burning the saddest cd ever and then I'm going to go read Haunted until I fall asleep.
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| UNKNOWINGLY |
[24 Dec 2006|11:28pm] |
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"I'm afraid he'll say the right thing and you'll leave me."
That's what he told me today, I felt so awful because I couldn't say anything back but I was sorry. He feels terrible for me not talking to Scott, it's not what he wants. We talked for awhile and now things are suppose to be okay, but they feel awkward. We slept most of the day and the other half we just kind of sat around not talking. I have the worst stomach ache, probably from eating oreos and peanut butter but whatev. I love fighting with Mattypoodle about De Niro and Pesci, because that's what we do on Christmas Eve. Maxine couldn't come home today and mom is really upset about it. Tomorrow it's horror movies and supposedly happiness, but something tells me it's going to blow. I'm trying to move 5000 songs from one account to another and it's beyond horrible. I want to talk but I don't know who to call.
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| MISS CALIFORNIA EATS ICE CREAM |
[24 Dec 2006|01:25am] |
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Yesterday we watched Extreme Days and fought over text message and phone calls. This morning I woke up to a very pissed off Cody and then he calmed down && told me he wasn't going to be mad at me but he didn't want to hear another word about it. Jamie && I are talking now, I miss him muchly. We use to talk every night during summer about everything and anything, && then poof no Jamie. Today was horrible, like seriously horrible. Maxine is sick or something and had to go to the ER, she has to stay over night and I'm really worried. But tomorrow is Christmas Eve and hopefully everything will be better.
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| IT'S HARD TO RELATE |
[21 Dec 2006|06:12pm] |
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So! Christmas dinner was ickk, and Coke ham tastes just like regular ham. I got my Cut+Paste purse though and it's uhmazing. But there was a bunch of family drama and for once it wasn't centered around my dad. Today has been good. Emberface && I went out to Applebees for lunch and then to the mall for a little bit. I love Ember muchly as well as chicken fingers ha. I love how we decide to stop texting eachother and Cody instead sends me Picturemail, it's cute though so whatev. I think I'm gonna go visit him tomorrow, maybe. I was suppose to get my belly button peirced tomorrow but I don't feel like reminding mom and her getting angryface with me, so I figure I'll wait. Later I get to go finish buying stuff for Chistmas and then I'll get to wrap it and be happy. =]]
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| YOU BLEW IT |
[21 Dec 2006|01:04am] |
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MERCURY RISING |
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Screw double lives.
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